Alive people always feel that period in life. Something that people cannot avoid. 

People being robbed, fire burns everything without separating importance and useless category, tsunami kills whoever there, babies lost their parents, mothers lost their rights to lead, youngsters lost trust for managing their own time, girls lost their self-confidence, etc. Everything is about getting and losing something.

Having something is just about time to lose. Try to protect is the human wants, human characteristic to keep and hold something for life. But losing is something else. When the time is come, nobody could run or hide. Time to lose is there. The distance could be one year, two years, three days, or four minutes. Nobody knows about that absolute powerful decision. Why? Because there is nothing belongs to human being.

What people have in life called chance. I can’t protect my gold in my hands, I can’t have my parents in my whole life or love partner to always be with me, even I can’t count on my own brain to keep thinking about my needs. Why? Because they are not mine, and would not be mine. But I have chance to enjoy my new smartphone, I have chance to go home and run to my parents when I have nowhere to go, I have chance to learn about sacrifice and togetherness in relationship and become a better person, and I have chance to stay logic and thinking about life and else. Before i lose them.

Someday, it will be gone anyway. And what should I do for all of these temporary things without feeling regret, frustration, or just missing something gone? Three words: be thankful, enjoy, and prepare. I guess, that’s all I can do. So when that unexpected moment come, I hope I can be a happy pretty dead little woman who had meaningful precious life.

:) 

Bagian paling meresahkan dari hidup sendirian di kamar kos adalah pada saat hari libur. I love to spend my free day alone. I really am. Nonton dvd sampai subuh, bangun siang. Secara sadar, ini adalah bentuk protes dari tuntutan rutinitas bangun pagi-ngopi-mandi-berangkat kantor selama hampir tiga tahun ini. Sebenarnya udah ngantuk dari semalem, tapi sayang aja kalo ga dipake begadang dan bangun siang. Walaupun bukan orang yang bisa tidur seharian sebenernya, tapi gw selalu ngrasa rugi kalo hari libur bangun ‘kepagian’. Makanya selalu dijaga dari semalam agar tirai kamar kos 4x3m ini tertup rapat, jangan sampai sinar matahari masuk sedikit pun.

Like today. Beautiful Sunday noon (yes, i passed the morning with a very good sleep time. yaayy!). Tapi ya itu, bagian paling ngselin muncul kemudian. I’m starving!! Rrrrrrrgggghh…! I hate this part. Buka bedcover atau pipis aja males setengah mati, and now, i’ve to find out foods! Hal penting yang ga ada di kamar gw ini. Akhirnya dengan kostum seadanya, gw terpaksa keluar kos dan jalan ke tempat makanan terdekat. Whatever it is, yang penting bisa dimakan.

Padahal di rumah…… Tinggal turun tangga tanpa perlu ganti baju dengan yang lebih pantas atau sekedar ngaca, buka tudung saji, dan duduk dengan kaki naik ke atas kursi. Makan sambil baca koran. Nikmatnya.. Tapi kenapa gw lebih pilih di kos? Itulah.. Kadang manusia lebih suka menyusahkan diri sendiri, berpikir tentang diri sendiri daripada harus tau apa yang terjadi dengan orang lain. At least, that’s me. Tingkat egois jauh lebih tinggi dari yang disadari. Makhluk sosial? Benar. Tapi bersosialisasi ternyata untuk diri sendiri juga. Berteman untuk kepentingan diri sendiri, mencintai orang lain untuk memenuhi kebutuhan dicintai nantinya, dan bahkan beramal pun untuk kebanggaan dan keselamatan diri sendiri.

Mungkin memang begitulah hidup manusia. Air mata yang digunakan untuk menangisi orang lain dan diri sendiri adalah modal untuk bersosialisasi. Strategi. Manusia harus mengerjakan kewajiban dan memperoleh hak dengan cara apapun. Semakin matang strateginya, semakin mudah hidupnya. Strategi yang baik selalu berjalan dengan halus. Tidak kasar, tidak terduga. Dengan awal dari arah yang berlainan, ternyata bisa mencapai jalur yang sama. Tidak terasa oleh orang-orang di sekitarnya. I’m not talking about a good dove and a bad snake here. I talk about way of life. Tidak perlu bilang ‘A’ untuk memperoleh A. Dan tidak perlu membenci ‘B’ untuk menghindarinya. Pintar-pintarnya manusia hidup. God gives brain and other stuff to stay alive, but human being should discover way how to live happily. That’s why we have enemy, boss, parents, mother in law, and mean friends. Itu alasan mengapa manusia harus merasakan dibenci, diselingkuhi, dikhianati, dihukum, dirampok. It’s not about the unfair God. More than that simple thing, we’ve to discover the way. Be smart, know how to get and let something go. Know the meaning of something unseen. Be able to translate a fake good thing. Make a different way, out of the trap. This is for one reason, to stay alive mentally. Because good thing is always there. Sometimes it’s unseen, but it’s always there. And it will appear when we are ready.

*So, when someone say to you with her/his sweet mouth "I love u just the way you are" or "I can’t live without you", is it not too rough? Believe it, and we’ll die the next day. Hehe, don’t bother, it’s just me and my complicated mind. One word, strategy.